As I watched “The Odd Couple” recently, I laughed out loud at the cacophony of sounds emanating from Felix Unger as he attempted to clear his ever-clogged sinuses, much to the annoyance/amazement of his roommate, Oscar Madison.
And then I realized that, except for the roommate, I could be Felix Unger.
It starts in the morning, when the sludge from my sinuses makes its way down my throat and I find myself coughing or clearing my throat continuously. The concerto in sinus major is accompanied by sniffing and a runny nose after I eat. I’ve never been tested for allergies, though the doctor has recently been treating me with various drugs that would indicate that I have some now. When I recently had my nearly three-week bout with bronchitis (which I negotiated down from the initial diagnosis of pneumonia), I realized I was sick when a noise kept waking me up. It was me – wheezing. I tried the usual remedies – drink water, sleep more upright (in my case, in the recliner in my room) – until the doctor put me on a breathing machine and medication that made me hyper. Eventually, the antibiotic – or the passage of time – knocked out the infection, but the concert continues.
When I swim or fly, my ears clog up. That’s when I really sound like Felix Unger, with the sound accompanied by strange faces as I open and close my mouth, pinch my nose while trying to blow out the ears, and, in the case of clogging my ear in the pool, I hop on one leg with my head tilted while I slap the opposite side of the head in an effort to drive the water out of my ear. This must be quite the sight to see.
It’s not just the coughing and throat-clearing that makes thing here pretty darn noisy. I find myself making noises while doing absolutely normal things – getting out of a chair, lifting heavy objects (that would include getting myself out of the chair), bending over and picking something up. I find myself channeling my father when I catch myself saying, “Oy,” as I do something strenuous. Out of shape? Maybe just a little.
When you live alone you have full license to be as noisy as you wish. While some people elect to stifle a sneeze, I celebrate one, sneezing heartily. If the sneeze is part of a cold, I will blow my nose loud and long. There is coughing, clearing my throat, blowing my nose, sniffing, snorting, wheezing and sneezing – and I’ll admit that I occasionally have been awakened by snoring (my own, of course). And then there is the groaning, which occasionally takes place when I turn over in bed and is audible in the next room (as reported by a friend).
Let’s not forget the intentional noises. There is cheering, which takes place when my team hits a three-pointer, scores a touchdown or hits a homerun, or the yelling, which occurs after the ump or the ref has blown the call. I watch a lot of sports, so cheering loudly in this house is a frequent occurrence. Add the exclamations of any physical exertion and top it off with talking to myself or, worse yet, singing out loud, and it makes you realize how truly noisy it is here – with just one person responsible for the symphony of sound.
I urge you to remember all of this if you ever are considering rooming with me at the old folks home. It might be fun, but it won’t be quiet. You’ve been warned.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tina's February Movies
February was the perfect storm of movies for me. It was Oscar month on TCM and I was housebound because of a bout of bronchitis and several snowstorms, which meant extra time spent watching great movies. There are only three movies this month that I had never seen before, but I sure enjoyed seeing some old favorites again. Numbering picks up from last month so I can keep track of the total this year.
15. Mister Roberts (TCM) – War is hell and boring, despite the antics of the men aboard a cargo ship under Captain James Cagney and the title character, Henry Fonda’s Mister Roberts. Mister Roberts is great in a job he hates while yearning to be part of the real action as WWII winds down. Jack Lemmon, in an early role, stands out as the inept but well-meaning Ensign Pulver. I always thought of Mister Roberts as a role model when I had people reporting to me. I love this movie and recommend it highly. 5 cans.
16. They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? (TCM) – Desperate times call for desperate measures in this depiction of a 1200+ hour dance marathon during the Depression. I think Jane Fonda’s fitness workouts started with her dragging Michael Saracen around the dance floor in this film. A little too bleak for me. 3½ cans.
17. 21 (TV) – Not quite the kind of coming-of-age story its title suggests, this movie is about a group of MIT students who form a team under the direction of Professor Kevin Spacey to count cards and win big playing blackjack in Vegas. Perfect student Ben compromises his values as he accumulates the money he needs for Harvard Medical School, but soon learns life lessons he would never have learned at Harvard. Quite interesting, even if I couldn’t keep up with the math. 3½ cans.
18. The Eddie Duchin Story (TCM) – Tyrone Power and Kim Novak in a quintessential ‘50s melodrama about the society pianist and orchestra leader whose happy life is twice interrupted by tragedy. My heart must not be as soft as it used to be, because I didn’t cry out loud over this one like I would have 20 years ago. Still, 3½ cans.
19. Private Benjamin (TV) –Goldie Hawn was never more ditsy and endearing than in her portrayal of Jewish American Princess turned Army Private Judy Benjamin. When her husband dies on their wedding night, the inept Judy joins an Army far different than what the recruiter described. By the time she survives basic training and eventually prepares to marry Jewish French gynecologist Armand Assante, Judy is a new woman. Great lines throughout the movie and the scene with Judy and the troop dancing to “We Are Family” in the barracks is one of my all-time favorites. 5 cans.
20. Standing in the Shadows of Motown (TV) – If Motown is the soundtrack of your youth, you’ve heard all the great musicians featured in this wonderful documentary about the Funk Brothers, the men behind the familiar hits by the Temptations, Four Tops, Martha Reeves, Stevie Wonder and many more. Largely unknown beyond the studios of Detroit, these mostly jazz musicians contributed the funk and the groove that was Motown in its heyday. Just think of the distinctive guitar riff that opens “My Girl” and you will recognize their work immediately. My first documentary of the year, and a terrific one at that. 4½ cans.
21. A Place in the Sun (TCM) – It’s hard to believe that either Elizabeth Taylor or Shelley Winters could fall in love with dull and quiet George Eastman (Montgomery Clift) in this screen version of Theodore Dreiser’s compelling book, “An American Tragedy.” A story of class differences, ambition, a failure to use birth control and the importance of learning how to swim, this classic is not something I need to see every time it is on TV, but I am glad I caught it again after many years. 4 cans.
22. The Odd Couple (TCM) – Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy? Not according to Neil Simon, whose slob Oscar Madison and neat freak Felix Unger are truly an odd couple. Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon could not have been better in these roles. I still laugh when Oscar flings the spaghetti/linguine onto the kitchen wall and when Felix begins each day with a cacophony of sinus sounds, some of which I catch my self making on occasion. It took me three days to figure out that “FU” meant Felix Unger. 4 cans.
23. Crazy Heart (Montgomery theater with Dee) – It was good to get out of the house following my bout with bronchitis to see Jeff Bridges as aptly named Bad Blake in this film about a has-been country singer. A cross between “Tender Mercies” and “The Wrestler” (no Mickey Rourke here but Robert Duvall has a role), Crazy Heart isn’t afraid to show Bad Blake at his worst – an alcoholic whose creative streak dries up and whose bad habits nearly kill him. Oh, but for the love of a good woman, right? The bonus here is Bridges, who plays the part with no shame and plays the guitar with considerable skill. 4 cans.
24. Kramer vs. Kramer (TCM) – It is Oscar month on TCM, and both Dustin Hoffman and a very young and beautiful Meryl Streep were honored for their work in this 1979 Oscar winning movie. Dustin Hoffman is a self-absorbed ad man whose wife’s sudden departure means he has to assume responsibility for their 7-year old son, a role he is ill-prepared to take. The growth of their relationship is best depicted in two scenes where they make French toast together. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep sets herself up for numerous Oscar nods with this role as the guilt-ridden mom who leaves her men behind in an attempt to find herself. Wow, that woman cries with the best of them, and she is stunning. Beautifully written, played and scored, and Justin Henry was one adorable kid. 4½ cans.
25. Moonstruck (TCM) – It is hard to believe that it has been 23 years since Cher won her Oscar for playing Loretta Castorini, an unlucky-in-love woman who falls for her fiancée’s younger brother. Any movie that starts with Dean Martin crooning “That’s Amore” is going to capture my attention, and this exploration of relationships between men and women and families does so with words here, a gesture there, and a canoli full of charm. 4½ cans.
26. Calendar Girls (TCM) – Helen Mirren is the ringleader of a group of middle-aged women who pose nude for a calendar to raise money to buy a new couch for the waiting room in the hospital where Julie Walters’ husband has died. The costumes may be lacking, but the endearing film makes us consider the meaning of being a woman and of beauty at any stage of life. 4½ cans.
27. Dave (TV) – The premise may be a bit outlandish – Kevin Kline as a look-alike “drafted” to fill in for the President after he suffers a stroke – but the underworked actor brings humanity to the office and great warmth to his role. Sure, no one – except conspiracy lover Oliver Stone in a smart little cameo – notices that “Dave” isn’t really President Bill Mitchell. Kevin Kline makes politics a little more palatable. Dave gets my vote. 4 cans.
28. The Goodbye Girl (TCM) – Marsha Mason is a dancer and recent dumpee whose ex makes things even worse by subletting their apartment to actor Richard Dreyfus. Energetic and full of himself, Dreyfus’ Elliot Garfield and Mason’s Paula McFadden can’t stand each other, which means their eventual coupling is inevitable. Quinn Cummings as Mason’s 10-year old daughter almost steals the show, as does Dreyfus’ portrayal of a fey Richard III. Though Elliot and Paula are like oil and water, once mixed well, they become a pretty tasty dressing. 4 cans.
29. On Golden Pond (TV) – From the beautiful shots of the aptly named Golden Pond to the wonderful score and set decoration, this poignant movie gets every detail right. Elderly couple Norman and Ethel Thayer (Henry Fonda and Katherine Hepburn) are still very much in love, despite the fact that he is “an old poop,” in Ethel’s words. Norman’s prickly relationship with daughter Chelsea (Jane Fonda) is mediated by Ethel but remains uncomfortable for father and daughter. When Billy, the son of Chelsea’s boyfriend, is left with the old folks for a month, they grudgingly develop a rapport that Norman and Chelsea have never achieved. I love the relationship between the old man and the kid as they begin to respect and love each other. Katherine Hepburn and Henry Fonda had never acted together, but her nurturing portrayal of Fonda’s wife seems so real, as does the awkwardness of father and daughter Fonda. 5 cans.
30. Ordinary People (TCM) – Mary Tyler Moore’s not exactly tossing her hat in the air in this movie, and you wonder at the end if she’s “gonna make it after all.” She and Donald Sutherland are the devastated parents of an older son who died in a boating accident and a guilt-ridden younger son (Timothy Hutton in an Oscar-winning role) whose suicide attempt just scratches the surface of his pain. Everything here is on the surface, from the mother’s seemingly friendly chit chat with friends to her perfect clothes, hair and home. She can’t reach out to help the son she resents, and her husband can only stand by helplessly and watch as the family disintegrates. This isn’t a fun film to watch, but Robert Redford’s directorial debut is well worth seeing. 4½ cans.
31. When Harry Met Sally (TV) – Ah, the movie that brought us “high maintenance women,” karaoke machines and the music of Harry Connick, Jr. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan could not be cuter or, seemingly, more mismatched, but the audience knows before they do that they are made for each other. Great lines, great casting and great memories. I’ll have what she’s having. 5 cans.
15. Mister Roberts (TCM) – War is hell and boring, despite the antics of the men aboard a cargo ship under Captain James Cagney and the title character, Henry Fonda’s Mister Roberts. Mister Roberts is great in a job he hates while yearning to be part of the real action as WWII winds down. Jack Lemmon, in an early role, stands out as the inept but well-meaning Ensign Pulver. I always thought of Mister Roberts as a role model when I had people reporting to me. I love this movie and recommend it highly. 5 cans.
16. They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? (TCM) – Desperate times call for desperate measures in this depiction of a 1200+ hour dance marathon during the Depression. I think Jane Fonda’s fitness workouts started with her dragging Michael Saracen around the dance floor in this film. A little too bleak for me. 3½ cans.
17. 21 (TV) – Not quite the kind of coming-of-age story its title suggests, this movie is about a group of MIT students who form a team under the direction of Professor Kevin Spacey to count cards and win big playing blackjack in Vegas. Perfect student Ben compromises his values as he accumulates the money he needs for Harvard Medical School, but soon learns life lessons he would never have learned at Harvard. Quite interesting, even if I couldn’t keep up with the math. 3½ cans.
18. The Eddie Duchin Story (TCM) – Tyrone Power and Kim Novak in a quintessential ‘50s melodrama about the society pianist and orchestra leader whose happy life is twice interrupted by tragedy. My heart must not be as soft as it used to be, because I didn’t cry out loud over this one like I would have 20 years ago. Still, 3½ cans.
19. Private Benjamin (TV) –Goldie Hawn was never more ditsy and endearing than in her portrayal of Jewish American Princess turned Army Private Judy Benjamin. When her husband dies on their wedding night, the inept Judy joins an Army far different than what the recruiter described. By the time she survives basic training and eventually prepares to marry Jewish French gynecologist Armand Assante, Judy is a new woman. Great lines throughout the movie and the scene with Judy and the troop dancing to “We Are Family” in the barracks is one of my all-time favorites. 5 cans.
20. Standing in the Shadows of Motown (TV) – If Motown is the soundtrack of your youth, you’ve heard all the great musicians featured in this wonderful documentary about the Funk Brothers, the men behind the familiar hits by the Temptations, Four Tops, Martha Reeves, Stevie Wonder and many more. Largely unknown beyond the studios of Detroit, these mostly jazz musicians contributed the funk and the groove that was Motown in its heyday. Just think of the distinctive guitar riff that opens “My Girl” and you will recognize their work immediately. My first documentary of the year, and a terrific one at that. 4½ cans.
21. A Place in the Sun (TCM) – It’s hard to believe that either Elizabeth Taylor or Shelley Winters could fall in love with dull and quiet George Eastman (Montgomery Clift) in this screen version of Theodore Dreiser’s compelling book, “An American Tragedy.” A story of class differences, ambition, a failure to use birth control and the importance of learning how to swim, this classic is not something I need to see every time it is on TV, but I am glad I caught it again after many years. 4 cans.
22. The Odd Couple (TCM) – Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy? Not according to Neil Simon, whose slob Oscar Madison and neat freak Felix Unger are truly an odd couple. Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon could not have been better in these roles. I still laugh when Oscar flings the spaghetti/linguine onto the kitchen wall and when Felix begins each day with a cacophony of sinus sounds, some of which I catch my self making on occasion. It took me three days to figure out that “FU” meant Felix Unger. 4 cans.
23. Crazy Heart (Montgomery theater with Dee) – It was good to get out of the house following my bout with bronchitis to see Jeff Bridges as aptly named Bad Blake in this film about a has-been country singer. A cross between “Tender Mercies” and “The Wrestler” (no Mickey Rourke here but Robert Duvall has a role), Crazy Heart isn’t afraid to show Bad Blake at his worst – an alcoholic whose creative streak dries up and whose bad habits nearly kill him. Oh, but for the love of a good woman, right? The bonus here is Bridges, who plays the part with no shame and plays the guitar with considerable skill. 4 cans.
24. Kramer vs. Kramer (TCM) – It is Oscar month on TCM, and both Dustin Hoffman and a very young and beautiful Meryl Streep were honored for their work in this 1979 Oscar winning movie. Dustin Hoffman is a self-absorbed ad man whose wife’s sudden departure means he has to assume responsibility for their 7-year old son, a role he is ill-prepared to take. The growth of their relationship is best depicted in two scenes where they make French toast together. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep sets herself up for numerous Oscar nods with this role as the guilt-ridden mom who leaves her men behind in an attempt to find herself. Wow, that woman cries with the best of them, and she is stunning. Beautifully written, played and scored, and Justin Henry was one adorable kid. 4½ cans.
25. Moonstruck (TCM) – It is hard to believe that it has been 23 years since Cher won her Oscar for playing Loretta Castorini, an unlucky-in-love woman who falls for her fiancée’s younger brother. Any movie that starts with Dean Martin crooning “That’s Amore” is going to capture my attention, and this exploration of relationships between men and women and families does so with words here, a gesture there, and a canoli full of charm. 4½ cans.
26. Calendar Girls (TCM) – Helen Mirren is the ringleader of a group of middle-aged women who pose nude for a calendar to raise money to buy a new couch for the waiting room in the hospital where Julie Walters’ husband has died. The costumes may be lacking, but the endearing film makes us consider the meaning of being a woman and of beauty at any stage of life. 4½ cans.
27. Dave (TV) – The premise may be a bit outlandish – Kevin Kline as a look-alike “drafted” to fill in for the President after he suffers a stroke – but the underworked actor brings humanity to the office and great warmth to his role. Sure, no one – except conspiracy lover Oliver Stone in a smart little cameo – notices that “Dave” isn’t really President Bill Mitchell. Kevin Kline makes politics a little more palatable. Dave gets my vote. 4 cans.
28. The Goodbye Girl (TCM) – Marsha Mason is a dancer and recent dumpee whose ex makes things even worse by subletting their apartment to actor Richard Dreyfus. Energetic and full of himself, Dreyfus’ Elliot Garfield and Mason’s Paula McFadden can’t stand each other, which means their eventual coupling is inevitable. Quinn Cummings as Mason’s 10-year old daughter almost steals the show, as does Dreyfus’ portrayal of a fey Richard III. Though Elliot and Paula are like oil and water, once mixed well, they become a pretty tasty dressing. 4 cans.
29. On Golden Pond (TV) – From the beautiful shots of the aptly named Golden Pond to the wonderful score and set decoration, this poignant movie gets every detail right. Elderly couple Norman and Ethel Thayer (Henry Fonda and Katherine Hepburn) are still very much in love, despite the fact that he is “an old poop,” in Ethel’s words. Norman’s prickly relationship with daughter Chelsea (Jane Fonda) is mediated by Ethel but remains uncomfortable for father and daughter. When Billy, the son of Chelsea’s boyfriend, is left with the old folks for a month, they grudgingly develop a rapport that Norman and Chelsea have never achieved. I love the relationship between the old man and the kid as they begin to respect and love each other. Katherine Hepburn and Henry Fonda had never acted together, but her nurturing portrayal of Fonda’s wife seems so real, as does the awkwardness of father and daughter Fonda. 5 cans.
30. Ordinary People (TCM) – Mary Tyler Moore’s not exactly tossing her hat in the air in this movie, and you wonder at the end if she’s “gonna make it after all.” She and Donald Sutherland are the devastated parents of an older son who died in a boating accident and a guilt-ridden younger son (Timothy Hutton in an Oscar-winning role) whose suicide attempt just scratches the surface of his pain. Everything here is on the surface, from the mother’s seemingly friendly chit chat with friends to her perfect clothes, hair and home. She can’t reach out to help the son she resents, and her husband can only stand by helplessly and watch as the family disintegrates. This isn’t a fun film to watch, but Robert Redford’s directorial debut is well worth seeing. 4½ cans.
31. When Harry Met Sally (TV) – Ah, the movie that brought us “high maintenance women,” karaoke machines and the music of Harry Connick, Jr. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan could not be cuter or, seemingly, more mismatched, but the audience knows before they do that they are made for each other. Great lines, great casting and great memories. I’ll have what she’s having. 5 cans.
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